Are you Disappointed?

Are you disappointed? I have had that question running around in my mind for a couple of weeks now. Knowing that it would be a title to a blog post but not knowing how it would all come together. There is a gospel song lyric that says "Are you disappointed, are you desperate for help?" The song goes on to remind us that this is not our home, but one day we will be home and all the disappointments will be gone. 

2020 was obviously a disappointment to many people, it was a tough year. I don't know of anyone who's life wasn't disrupted because of Covid and I know some who's life will never be the same because of it. And, no doubt many of us brought that disappointment into 2021. 

In less than 24 hours I was supposed to be on a plane headed to Colorado and hopefully some answers about my Chiari. I have been holding my breath about this trip since we began to plan it. Afraid to learn all the ins and outs of Chiari and Craniocervical Instability, but also secretly hopeful that there is help for me. If I'm honest, I am weary of the pain and the way my body seems to fail me daily. Even typing this is a challenge today due to a headache and the numbness in my fingers and hand. 

Due to circumstances out of my control my trip to Colorado has been canceled. Am I disappointed? Yes. Am I at peace? Yes. Do you want to know why? Because God is good and He is faithful, even when I don't understand. Actually, he is the most faithful when I don't understand. He sees what I can't and knows what I can only wonder about. His quiet whispers remind me He is near and can bear my disappointment. 

I don't know when I will get to Colorado or if they will have the answers I am searching for. But either way I know God is taking care of me and He will always do what's best. So, I will muddle through the disappointment and anxiety and I will keep pressing on. Trusting that even when I don't understand I can trust the one who does.