When You Don't Measure Up

*This post has been in holding for a couple of months. Sometimes it's hard to be honest and raw. I pray my honesty will be a help to someone today.

I don't measure up. I know I don't. I can look at anyone my age and see a million things I'm not or can't be. I am so not the homeschool Mom who explains Algebra perfectly and never raises her voice. I am not the Mom who enjoys playing Barbies for hours (although a little Barbie time is great). I am not the wife who has supper on the table promptly at 5:00 pm each day. I am not the wife who never questions her husband and just joyfully follows (I always question actually). I am not the daughter who thinks selflessly of her parents and helps them with practical tasks like they deserve. I am not the sister who calls her brother weekly to tell him she loves him (even though I do love him so). I am not the friend who calls daily because honestly I am not sure I'll know what to say. I am not the Christian who gives the gospel fearlessly (oh how I tremble when handing out a gospel tract).

Oh and the list goes on and on. I began thinking this way one day when I looked at my Addison and thought "I can't teach her to be a dainty lady because I don't know how." I have no clue how to wear the latest fashions, goodness, I don't even know what the latest fashion is. Really. No clue.

So, how do I handle these insecurities? These ways that I don't measure up? Well, some days I don't handle it all that well, I get pretty bummed about it. Other days I think "who's measuring?" Who am I trying to please? Where am I trying to fit? Why am I trying? Who am I failing?

I do fail. Daily. But put that aside for a minute. God made me. Just the way I am. No, I don't mean with the extra pounds I have held on to for a few years. No, he made me in his image, just the way I am. I sin and often add baggage to my life that is surely not God's doing, but in the big picture, I am his. I am HIS. He knows me and loves me. Just the way I am. Do I have room for improvement? Absolutely! He is indeed improving me, daily.

Messy as I may be, I have a great husband, some awesome kids, very close family, and some pretty wonderful friends. Somehow, they seem to love me too, even when I don't measure up.

Psalm 139:14

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are they works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

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