Walking in the Shadows

Lately the nudge to write has grown but I have fought it because I'm not sure what to write. There are things rattling around internally I just don't know which ones to write about. This blog is an outlet for me in so many ways yet I let fear grip me and I stay silent. Fear is a real enemy. Fear can keep us from living, really living.  A situation came up recently where someone I care about said something that hurt. I know it wasn't meant to hurt, but it hurt anyway. Fear kept me silent. Fear kept me from telling this person that their words hurt. Fear brought anxiety. Fear threatened to hurt a strong relationship. I would love to say I eventually confronted this person and told them my heart, but fear won and I have yet to speak the words. Fear has kept me from fighting the insurance company so that I can get the decompression surgery I need. I am afraid of another surgery. Ach, there it is, the truth. I'd rather live in pain then go through another decompression. Fear...

Journal Entry March 15, 2018 "I was feeling pretty down and discouraged tonight. Kind of like everyone is living their lives without me and seem to be okay with that. But God." In the middle of our waiting on results from the doctor, my little Addison turned 8 and Ethan got his driver's license. The timing of his license was perfect, because by this time I wasn't able to drive him to work or really anywhere. He began to step in and really help me with the day to day tasks. A few days later my sweet church family began a meal train that was truly a life saver for us. Around the middle of March my vision started blurring and it became more of a challenge to write or read for any length of time. I was working hard to get the kids through school each day and do my computer work. However, on Friday March 23, we got great news!! There was no basilar invagination found on my CT scan and the doctor would discuss surgery the following week. "Surgery is sched...