Walking in the Shadows

  The last couple of weeks have been a struggle, not just for me personally, but for us all. I will not get political because that is not the purpose of this blog, but I think we can all agree that our nation as a whole is divided and a divided nation will fall. So here we are looking for hope, for direction, for answers and for truth. I just finished a novel that was set in Poland during World War II and found myself fearful of what I was reading and wondering if America could ever go that far. The answer is yes. Any nation that disobeys God can go that far.  I have struggled physically the last couple of weeks too, so both my body and my mind have been unsettled and in pain. Where do I turn when I feel hopeless? Just recently I received a report from one doctor that contradicted what another doctor told me, who do I believe? How can I hope for help physically if I can't trust the information coming to me? Where do I turn? Do I continue to seek further opinions from more doct...

"There is no telling how much power God can put into man. When divine strength comes, human weakness is no more a hindrance." Charles H Spurgeon  I felt it coming for days. What started as an increase in pain culminated into what I call a Chiari Storm (someone who shares Chiari referred to her flare ups as a Chiari Storm and I have used the terminology since).  It just so happened this particular Chiari Storm coincided with an actual storm, a busy hurricane season has made the weather a real issue with my symptoms. Some say that changes in the barometric pressure bring with it increased pain. I don't know the science behind all of that but can say it has proved true in my journey with Chiari. Conquer Chiari explains it like this "As the barometric pressure lowers, tissues in the body may enlarge. As the tissues enlarge, they put more weight on nerves that control pain signals."  This particular storm came on the heels of Jason and I celebrating our 21st wedding...

"And I will wait upon the LORD, that hideth his face from the house of Jacob, and I will look for him." Isaiah 8:17 I've had this post title "Waiting in the Hard" bouncing around in my head for weeks. Getting it out of my head and on paper (or blog) is difficult for me. What do I say about waiting in the hard when we are still waiting? I have no words of wisdom or encouragement, just the truth that not only is waiting hard, sometimes it's more than hard.  I have NEVER been good at waiting. When I want something, I want it yesterday. But, alas, in my adult years I am learning sometimes  I have to wait. The Lord has been so patient with me as I lose my patience and want his answer now, even in the hard, I am weary of waiting on the answer. I have even grown so weary that I consider changing my question. Oh but as soon as I ponder the question; I am assured we are waiting on the right thing, now is just not the time for an answer. So, how is thi...

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." Anne Bradstreet, The Works of Anne Bradstreet I do enjoy the beauty of the snow and the warmth of Hot Chocolate with the family, but lately I have been craving the warmth of spring and the bright rays of the sunshine. March has arrived and with it the hope of spring, and the end of the cold, long winter.  Life is full of seasons, just as winter seems barren and hard, spring brings showers of blessings. Lately I have felt I was in winter, the cold outside seemed to mirror the cold within. Not a defeating cold, just a weary cold. Have you ever just felt weary? My body has certainly been weary lately, and sometimes when the body is weary the soul follows suit. However, as weary as we may be, can you not still see the beauty in the cold? Look how the snow covered trees look so peaceful, how about the pure white of the snow, is...

I've been praying for pain, I know it sounds crazy, but I've been in pain a while now and still haven't been able to walk through the pain with joy. So, I've been praying for it, praying for it to continue while those who love me pray for it to cease. Don't get me wrong, I want to feel relief, I want to be able to run with my kids, clean my house, kneel in prayer, and weed my garden without having to take a pain pill, truly I do. But more than that I want joy! Real, true, joy. I am a happy person, the Lord has given me so much, I have more to be thankful for then I have to lament. I also have joy, true joy, until the pain comes. Then something happens, it's like I can't control the way I am feeling and just lash out and find myself walking around in a pile of self pity. That is NOT joy. I have written in the past about my weakness and HIS strength, but it is a lesson hard learned and I believe joy goes right along with resting in HIS strength. I have ...

II Corinthians 12:9 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." Some verses are so familiar, we have read them, heard them preached and even memorized them. Then one day they come to life afresh and anew. The Lord has done that for me with this verse recently. There are things in this life that I simply cannot do. I can't make sure my children grow up and serve the Lord, I can't make the financial ends meet when they simply refuse to. There are many things I can't do, there are many times when I am simply too weak. If I were honest, most of the time I am too weak. If there is anything that can be done for HIM, it is He that is working and doing not me. How wonderful it is to think that my weakness is when his grace really shines. When I am at my weakest, he is at his strongest! Many deal with physi...

It has been a while since my last post, I just haven’t had the umph needed to write. I have had plenty of things rattle around in my head to write about, but I just haven’t sat down and started typing. So, here we go today, I am sitting down, typing… I hesitate to write about pain, for many reasons but I keep coming back to it so I think it is something I need to write about. There are so many levels and types of pain, it is a challenge to write about ones experience without fully understanding another’s. I have recently been diagnosed with Adenomyosis and finally have a diagnosis for pain I have been experiencing for three years. Fortunately the pain has been manageable with just the last year being the most intense. Chronic pain differs from acute pain (in my experience) because chronic pain is nagging where as if you have acute kidney stone pain, there is no managing that, you just take the pain meds or get to the hospital as quickly as possible. So, here I am ...