Walking in the Shadows

  When I was growing up my legs hurt just about all the time. Doctors said it was growing pains and I would eventually outgrow it. Now I know it was early symptoms of Chiari Malformation, but at the time it was just a pain I learned to endure. I can remember my Mom warming gallon jugs to put on my legs so I could sleep, the gallon jugs came after she squeezed my legs until I'm sure her hands were so tired. These "growing pains" made me stronger and actually prepared me for the pain I would endure as an adult. Now, I am learning about growing pains that are not physical! Ach, these growing pains are pretty tough. It is painful to learn how to embrace life's disappointments and continue on in the joy of the Lord. It is painful to learn how to love on my boys who look and act more like men. How do I let my college man spread his wings and fly when all I want to do is make sure there is enough cushion were he to fall. It is painful to help my girl pack up her toys because

Are you disappointed? I have had that question running around in my mind for a couple of weeks now. Knowing that it would be a title to a blog post but not knowing how it would all come together. There is a gospel song lyric that says "Are you disappointed, are you desperate for help?" The song goes on to remind us that this is not our home, but one day we will be home and all the disappointments will be gone.  2020 was obviously a disappointment to many people, it was a tough year. I don't know of anyone who's life wasn't disrupted because of Covid and I know some who's life will never be the same because of it. And, no doubt many of us brought that disappointment into 2021.  In less than 24 hours I was supposed to be on a plane headed to Colorado and hopefully some answers about my Chiari. I have been holding my breath about this trip since we began to plan it. Afraid to learn all the ins and outs of Chiari and Craniocervical Instability, but also secretly h

  I had a blog post I was planning on editing and posting this morning but my heart is beating in a different direction this Christmas Eve.  Last night I hopped on to a social media platform after church and as I was scrolling I read a post that stopped me in my tracks. I won't post what I read here because honestly I'd rather put it from my mind. But in that moment I knew what the Lord had been saying to me for  a while now, it is time for me to step away from social media. I have been planning for a couple of weeks now to take the week after Christmas away from all phone distractions and just use my phone for calling and texting (its original purpose lest I forget). Today was to be the beginning of my social media break. And honestly I had decided to just quietly step away from it because I often roll my eyes when I read other's announcements of social media fasting or breaks. I really doubt the world needs to hear me say I'm stepping away from social media. Like, rea

  The last couple of weeks have been a struggle, not just for me personally, but for us all. I will not get political because that is not the purpose of this blog, but I think we can all agree that our nation as a whole is divided and a divided nation will fall. So here we are looking for hope, for direction, for answers and for truth. I just finished a novel that was set in Poland during World War II and found myself fearful of what I was reading and wondering if America could ever go that far. The answer is yes. Any nation that disobeys God can go that far.  I have struggled physically the last couple of weeks too, so both my body and my mind have been unsettled and in pain. Where do I turn when I feel hopeless? Just recently I received a report from one doctor that contradicted what another doctor told me, who do I believe? How can I hope for help physically if I can't trust the information coming to me? Where do I turn? Do I continue to seek further opinions from more doctors?

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." C.S. Lewis  It was a rare Thursday with all three of the kids home, the first since my oldest started college in August. It felt normal, nothing out of the ordinary, just my three children at home where they belonged. They sat at the table together, argued with one another and did a whole host of ordinary things. But for me, for this Momma's heart, it was an extraordinary day. A day where life felt "normal" after many not so normal days.  Isn't that life though? A lot of normal days that one day become extraordinary because they are no more. Homeschooling my three was normal for so many years until one day it wasn't. We just took a trip to the Apple Orchard that made me feel so nostalgic. Why did an ordinary trip to the Apple Orchard make me feel nostalgic? Because I missed what used to be. I missed me and my three kiddos taki

"There is no telling how much power God can put into man. When divine strength comes, human weakness is no more a hindrance." Charles H Spurgeon  I felt it coming for days. What started as an increase in pain culminated into what I call a Chiari Storm (someone who shares Chiari referred to her flare ups as a Chiari Storm and I have used the terminology since).  It just so happened this particular Chiari Storm coincided with an actual storm, a busy hurricane season has made the weather a real issue with my symptoms. Some say that changes in the barometric pressure bring with it increased pain. I don't know the science behind all of that but can say it has proved true in my journey with Chiari. Conquer Chiari explains it like this "As the barometric pressure lowers, tissues in the body may enlarge. As the tissues enlarge, they put more weight on nerves that control pain signals."  This particular storm came on the heels of Jason and I celebrating our 21st wedding